Gerard Tanella

The Search for Acceptance

What is acceptance? I am given to understand that it is a point at which a person feels that he or she belongs. I can say for certain that I have yet to find acceptance in my life. I have always been made to feel like the round peg trying to fit into a square hole from the very beginning of my existence.

First, it was my father, my namesake, failing to accept he had a disabled son. He treated me extremely cruel and called me names from the outset. He shattered my self-confidence. I am very sensitive so that hurt deeply.

As a child I didn’t have many friends. Sure, I had kids on the block I played sports with, but these people made fun of me and ridiculed me because of my disability. I never felt like I belonged or was one of the guys. My childhood is probably why I am so bad at accepting rejection in relationships and letting things go. Because I faced constant rejection, I desperately wanted to be accepted.

Even as I attained educational success, still more difficulties loomed. Finding work with a disability is a true handicap. I applied for many jobs that I was overqualified for and never got treated right because my physical disability was readily apparent to any employer.

Now, I have accomplished great things in my life, that is for sure. What I stand for most is the ability to never give in. I never let that label of disabled define me. I have overcome the stigma of the disabled label. I shall overcome is my creed. But, I submit to you, how many times will I be knocked down, hit across the jaw and struggle again to my feet? How much more will be put on the camel’s back before his back breaks?

When will I be accepted as good and decent and kind, as someone who just wants to be loved? I’m still waiting for that day. So, until that day, I will keep getting back up. Life will not break me. I will greet each day and everyone with a smile until I finally reach acceptance. What a day that will be.